the best gift i gave myself was peace
this christmas, i’m making room for what actually matters
my name literally means “christmas child,” so i guess it makes sense that this has always been my favorite time of year. everything from late september through the new year feels like its own kind of magic — one long, slow build into light, warmth, and wonder. i’m big on tradition, memory-making, and all the little moments that turn into something you remember years later. but more than anything, i love the pace of this season. the world starts to slow down, and i start to match it.
when i was growing up in michigan, there was this thing that happened when the perfect kind of snow would fall. the air changed. everything softened. the stress of the season would fade just a little, and the noise — both the literal kind and the mental kind — would quiet down. the world felt muted, in the best way. i’d always step outside to stand in it. just for a minute. traffic quieter, lights glowing softer, snow covering everything like a blanket. it’s one of those rare moments when life feels simple again — like the whole world is exhaling at the same time.
i still chase that feeling every year. even now that i live in california and my “cold weather endurance” isn’t what it used to be, i still find myself looking for it — the hush, the calm, the moment when everything finally feels still. for most of my adult life, i thought peace was something i had to earn. that it came after the work was done. after the inbox was cleared. after the goals were hit. after i had “earned” the right to rest. but this year, i decided to give it to myself early.
peace doesn’t have to be earned. it’s not a reward for surviving another year. it’s something you can give yourself freely, right where you are, without doing a single thing differently. so that’s what i did. i stopped treating peace like a prize and started treating it like a practice. i still love the decorating, the lights, the family traditions — all the sparkle and celebration. but underneath all of that, there’s something quieter i’ve been choosing on purpose. space. ease. softness.
because peace doesn’t mean you stop caring about things. it just means you start caring differently. and that’s the best gift i gave myself this year.
